Is Parenting always going to be hard?

Parenting and being a survivor sometimes clash for me. it is like having two movies running at the same time, the story lines sometimes get confused. I see my little ones and I do my best to be the parent I wish I had. I hear my mother belittling me and hitting me and I find myself crying as I try to parent my little ones in a better way. Sometimes I feel like such a failure as a parent. How is it possible to be a good parent and be so jealous of your little ones at the same time? I find myself angry that my children take so much for granted when life for me was just a struggle to survive. I find myself jealous that their life is so good and so easy. Is this normal for a survivor to feel this way? God help me as I raise these kids, help me to be the parent you would have me be.