My children have gone away for the weekend, and I find I am struggling to leave my home for any reason. I have had a few really nasty experiences out there the last couple months. I am so brave when my kids are home, but when I am left to my own devices there is nothing but depression and fear. I always have plans of the things I will do when i get a chance to have no kids around, and yet when they are gone i am frozen....my body hurts and my mind races. There is fear for them, as they are with their father who was my abuser. And there is fear that I will end up in a risky situation yet again, so i do nothing I sit here and get depressed. I read my bible and pray, and meditate, and it help lift the depression for a few minutes, but i want to live, to laugh and to have some fun. i don't know how to do that alone. There a million ways to die, it is figuring out how to live that is my problem.
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