Not This Time: "My life is going so well these days. I love God and He loves me. I am happy joyous and free. Wait I am not so free yet. I have discovered that when my life is in chaos on the outside i feel calm and capable on the inside. I know how to fix problems and as long as i am struggling I do okay mentally. when I am content on the outside, with work, kids and routine, all hell breaks out on the inside. My mind works overtime with memories surfacing and darkness looming. This is the pattern that takes me back to chaos every time. This time I am seeking a difference end to my current situation. I refuse to crash or let the darkness cloud all my happiness and joy. It is okay to have a good life. It is okay . So I give it to God to figure out cause the more I worry about it the worse it gets on the inside. Praying for quiet on the inside.
