This past Christmas my 22 year old daughter in anger blurted out that my former common-law husband and father of my two youngest children, had raped her when she was 11 years old. She said it as before I even met him and that she had been afraid to tell me because his sister had threatened to kill her if she said bad things about him. I do remember when I first met him she tried to tell me something about him but was afraid of his sister. I chose at that time to no pressure her to tell me as I was in my addiction and didn't want to deal with anymore drama. I like you as emotionally unavailable for her, and having trouble dealing with my own incest and sexual abuse issues. I went into the relationship with this man and had two more children who are no 7 and 9.
After my older daughters disclosure, and being 6 years clean and sober and having spent lots of time healing and dealing with my past, I was able to deal with her much more effectively and keep my younger daughter safe. I immediately made an appointment for my 7 year old to see a children's sexual abuse specialist who claims that she is fine and has not been harmed if touched at all.
This past weekend however I discovered that there has been an investigation going on around him and that he is wanted on a Province wide warrant for Sexual Assault x4, Sexual Interference x2 and Gross Indecency x2. I was blown away, yet my heart tells me that this is true. My children are devastated, and my oldest is considering giving her statement as well. I am struggling with having empathy for him and hating him at the same time. I know what his childhood was like and he himself was a victim of severe sexual abuse, yet I was to and I am not a pedophile or rapist, so I know that is no excuse for what he has done. I find myself angry because I am my mother, the person I so swore I would never be. I didn't listen to my child when she was 11, I did nothing. I know that I am there for all my children in a totally different way now than I was in the past, I know I need to forgive myself for not being able to put them first back then. So now I sit and wait to go through this court process with my child, and unlike my mother, I will be with her. I will support her because I love and understand her. I know how the court system works as I did manage to charge my father. I just so didn't want this for her, or for my little two to have to live without a father in their life.
I know I am not totally evil or bad, that I was just broken and that the me I am now can and will do all I can for my children today and in the future. I know that healing has been an important part of my becoming a better mother today than I was a decade ago. I wish this for my children to always keep healing, seeking truth and learn to love themselves.
