Depression Relapse

After almost five years without a serious relapse into depression I was hit with one this week.  My whold body screamed out in pain, and the random and sometimes insane thoughts that ran through my head were overwhelming.  I knew I was not safe in my own head.  So I took the following steps to ensure a sucessful out come.  No matter how painful and how humiliating it is to admit you need help, I know from my past experience with PTSD and Depression that it is much less painful to seek help before you do something stupid then after.

Many times through out my life i didn't take the necessary steps to stay safe, and my children were not safe either.  I would over dose or cut in fromt of them, and I would loose  them to the fall out of my actions.  So today I have two options of which I know the consequences.

1. Ignore the situation and pray it passes without getting medical attention, and possibly it will, but more than likly it will not and I will do something dumb in the moment of pain that will cause desaster for my children and me later.

or 

2.  I can feel this coming on, and seek immediate attention at the hospital.  I just moved to this town so I did not have the supports in place that I would of used instead, so the hospital was my only choice.  

Choice 1: would leave my children finding a mother who had attempted suicide and might of won, thus sending them to foster care. traumatized and lost.

Choice 2 :leaves me in charge of the out come and where my children go because I am being pro-active in my recovery.  I get to have them with people I trust, instead of the ministry taking over.  I get to see the hope of help coming soon.

I get to safety proof my house and make it safe for me to stay at until I can get the supports in place to deal with this new set of flashbacks and depression.  This means  getting all medication out of the house, having kids stay with my friends and taking the medications as prescribed.  

I chose Choice 2:

I went to the hopsital, got referrals I need to get hooking up with supports in my new city, I removed all medications from my home.  I put my children in a safe place where they would be loved and caredful with people who love them.  I slept in my own bed instead of the hospital psycho ward because I showed inisitve.  I will be getting the necessary counceling and supports in place this coming week.  And to day I look back at how much worse I could of made it by not knowing I needed help.

Thank you lord for giving me the courage to face this head on instead of running and letting the devil invade my heart and soul.  

I pray that each and everyone of you who suffers with the dark side of depression or PTSD, that you seek help as son as you feel the darkness moving in...it is ok to ask for help.